Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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