Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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