ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
