....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
