So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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