Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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