you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
