after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
