The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
