well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
