I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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