i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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