Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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