I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
