totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
