Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
birth control should be required to get into college
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
