He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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