so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
