her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
