oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
