no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
