writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
