i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
