i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
