i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
