i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
