Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
