I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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