Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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