my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
