my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
