I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
