i don't like sucking hair
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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