There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's shark week go big or go home
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
