The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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