I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
