I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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