Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
