I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
