I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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