I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
