last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
