I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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