i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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