Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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