Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
