she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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