fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
