I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
