Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
