My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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