My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
