Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
