Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
